Living With The Chipmunks
by Cerulean Pen
Summary: A guide if you ever end up having to baby-sit, visit, or be captured by the seven…"lovable" Chipmunks and Chipettes. If you value your life, you'll read this guide!
1. Chapter 1: Rules 1 through 20

Living With The Chipmunks

Summary: A guide if you ever end up having to baby-sit, visit, or be captured by the seven…"lovable" Chipmunks and Chipettes. If you value your life, you'll read this guide!

English Humor/Family Rated: T Chapters:1 Words:

Rule 1:

If you see the basement door is closed, DO NOT ENTER! It is Simon and Jeanette's lab, and if you don't want to be killed by either them or whatever they're creating, you won't go down there. Simple.

Rule 2:

"The gleeful glint" in Alvin's eye means that you'll wake up in the morning and find something very wrong. If you see him with that glint, lock him in a closet with some trail mix and a water bottle. If you fall asleep while he's in the closet, just let him sleep there overnight. He's used to it.

Rule 3:

Theodore is capable of quoting every TV show there ever is. To keep him busy, name a show, get out a magazine, fake a laugh every now and then, and you're in the clear for about an hour. If he runs out, name another TV show, and get another magazine.

Rule 4:

There is a box of cookies on top of the refrigerator, which Dave keeps for his own sugar emergencies. But don't tell any of them about it: seven Chipmunks hopped up on sugar is BAD.

_(Alvin: WHAT? There are COOKIES up there? Brittany get the ladder, I'm going to get hopped up on sugar!)_

SEE WHAT I MEAN!

Rule 5:

Amanda might not seem like the type, but don't let her have any kind of Coke product. Caffeine makes her absolutely insane: I mean like, barefoot, on the bed, singing along to Ke$ha, ending up passed out in the bathtub. To sum it up: NO SODA FOR HER!

Rule 6:

Brittany's cell phone is taken away every other week, so she'll do anything to text again. Hide your cell phone, say you left it at home, and change the subject very quickly. But, even if you do, she'll find it somehow…

_(Brittany: Must. Have. Cell. Phone. Fingers. Need. To. Text. Save me!)_

_(Ha, ha, SUCKA!)_

Rule 7:

Alvin isn't afraid to swear openly. And I do mean openly. So, if Amanda's not in the room to cover up his mouth, you have permission to wash his mouth out with soap.

_(Try Irish Spring: It tastes the worst. You can also use Ivory Soap if there's no Irish Spring.)_

Rule 8:

If employed by Brittany, Jeanette can be a VERY good liar. But, there's always the tell tale signs: she'll mess with her glasses, start to stutter, pull her hair. You see this, stoop down, look her straight in the eyes, and ask, "Is that the truth?" She'll crack.

Rule 9:

Eleanor likes to watch PG-13 movies late at night, usually with Theodore and Brittany. But, if she's alone, be ready to have her get in the bed with you, because she'll get VERY scared.

_(Then, Alvin likes to freak her out by getting out of bed and standing on the end of her bed, or making throaty noises, or whispering stuff in her ear. Except, the last time he did that, Eleanor woke up, saw it was him, and punched him in the face so hard, he was knocked unconscious.)_

Rule 10:

Just because they're Chipmunks, but the same height as humans, don't offer them nuts: Alvin will kill you. He says that offering Chipmunks and Chipettes nuts is like offering Kermit the Frog flies.

_(No one really got that analogy, but Alvin claimed it made perfect sense, and got so pissed at me, I ended up having to lock him in the closet again. Then, I fell asleep, so Alvin spent the night in the closet-again.)_

Rule 11:

Never bring up the time that Simon tried to win over Jillian. Jeanette will get really upset, and you'll end up watching the most peaceful Chipmunks fight. No matter how entertaining you THINK it will be, don't bring it up.

_(Jeanette: WHAT?)_

_(Me: o.O.)_

Rule 12:

Brittany claims she too old for animated movies, but you can always catch her watching Pixar movies. Ask her about it, and she'll deny it. But, I've seen her watching "Cars" at least eleven times. =)

Rule 13:

If you want some quality entertainment, bring Alvin and Amanda into a room together, bring up a certain topic: A) That time Alvin scared the crap out of her boyfriend, Connor, and he was too afraid to come back to the house for a week. B) When Amanda freaked Alvin out over faking that Dave had caught him watching that R rated movie. C) When they were both left at home for a week: and watch the fight start.

Rule 14:

Video games on the Wii are officially banned from the house, for multiple reasons. Alvin ends up hitting someone with the remote every time he tries to bowl. Brittany and Eleanor go head to head in Dance, Dance Revolution. Jeanette almost nailed Simon when she tried to do tennis. No matter what they say, either refuse or hide the Wii.

Rule 15:

No matter what Alvin says, don't let ANY of them try to microwave ANY food product! Cheese: exploded all over the kitchen. Marshmallows: Exploded in the microwave and turned into a radioactive paste. Jelly Beans: you don't want to know…I still have red and purple glop in my hair.

_(Alvin: Who knew jelly beans could be so…)_

_(Me: Flammable, prone to exploding, and impossible to scrape off of the stove.)_

_(Alvin: I was going to say tasty…)_

Rule 16:

Jeanette likes to take on responsibilities, but don't let her iron. Ever. You'll end up with burning cloth, a fire extinguisher, and a VERY mad Dave.

Rule 17:

If Alvin challenges Brittany to a sing-off, you'd better murder both of them. Sing-offs with them always turn into Olympic games: And I mean, the people died in Greece Olympic games.

_(Brittany: And what is that supposed to mean?)_

_(Me: It's supposed to mean that if you and Alvin have a competition, you either kill someone or annoy the crap out of me. Case closed.)_

Rule 18:

The Chipettes like to talk about girl stuff. Alvin wants to hear about girl stuff. You find him with his ear pressed against a door, with a walkie-talkie, or a tin can, lock him in the closet.

_(Alvin: What's with you and locking me in closets?)_

_(Me: What's with you and destroying me?)_

_(Alvin: *Silent*)_

Rule 19:

Dave expects the house to be in one piece when he gets home. So, that means: patrol Alvin, patrol Brittany, make sure you confiscate any explosives Simon or Jeanette might have, take away the oven from Theodore and Eleanor, and make sure Amanda has turned off anything that can catch on fire.

_(Amanda: What's that supposed to mean?)_

_(Me: Remember that time you left the stove on?)_

_(Alvin: Remember? I thought we were going to die?)_

Rule 20:

Even if they are mischievous, smart, and somewhat evil, they're pretty cool kids. They might take you for granted or kidnap you, but hey, it all turns out okay in the end.

_(Amanda: AW!)_

_(Eleanor: How sweet!)_

_(Theodore: You're nice!)_

_(Jeanette: Thank you!)_

_(Simon: At least she's honest!)_

_(Brittany: Who's evil?)_

_(Alvin: Gag me.)_

_(Me: Just make sure you bring a lot of Aspirin, Alvin can be a real headache.)_

_(Alvin: Oh gee, you've only mentioned that twelve times.)_

**What do you guys think? Please review, I want to know if it was dumb or funny. The "Me" is actually me. Okay, enough of me, review!**


	2. Chapter 2: Rules 21 through 40

Chapter 2:

Rules 21-40

**I'm back! And with another set of rules, just in case you're in the CGI Chipmunks household…yikes is right, because they're tiny and can get into much more trouble. Sit back, LOL, and review!**

Rule #21:

Stephen King is forever banned from the young and innocent minds of our little munks.

_(Jeanette *Looking out the window with a Nerf gun in her hands*: I know you're out there! That mist can't hide you-oh, just wait! I WILL LIVE!)_

_Oh, just wait…_

_(Me: Alvin, what are you waiting for? The bathroom is free.)_

_(Alvin *trembling*: The lady…she's in the bathroom…she's waiting for me.)_

_(Me: O.o)_

Rule #22:

If you make gingerbread, have your Flip camera ready. Alvin takes great pleasure in dancing with the female cookies.

_(Alvin *dancing with gingerbread mold of Claire*: Oh, is that whipped cream? You love to get dressed up for me, don't you?)_

_(Me *filming from the corner*: Soon…)_

Rule #23:

Nobody is allowed to have a YouTube account. No. Body.

_(Toby managed to film Alvin going Fruit Ninja on this band of fan girls and post it on YouTube. When Dave found out, he quite literally went through the roof.)_

_(…we had to renovate the kitchen and Dave needed ten stitches.)_

Rule #24:

Breaking into song-and-dance numbers is strictly forbidden. Nobody (a.k.a. every human resident of the Munk household) can stand a high-pitched performance at eight in the morning.

_(The Chipettes come in doing a Conga line, while us Normal People chug coffee: I GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGGER, I GOT THE MOVES LIKE-)_

_(Dave: FOR GOD'S SAKE, LEAVE ME BE!)_

_(Dave is not a happy camper on Monday mornings. But he made Eleanor a Toaster Waffle soufflé when she started crying.)_

Rule #25:

Don't play video games with Toby. He is a very sore winner.

_(Toby wins, yet again, at Halo: Ha, take that hater! I AM THE GLORIOUS, SUPREME ULTRA-LORD OF EVERYTHING!)_

_(Simon *eye-twitching*: Seven days…)_

Rule #26:

The Munks can get just a little carried away with modern-day slang.

_(Brittany *sobbing*: Alvin, Alvin, I think I twisted my ankle!)_

_(Alvin *watching Jerry Springer*: Cool story babe, now make me a sandwich.)_

_(Dave: Oh my God, the hose is on the sofa!)_

_(Toby *lifts his wine glass of Coke*: True story.)_

_(Theodore: Ooh, the sky is really blue!)_

_(Simon *in a very sarcastic mood* You don't say?)_

Rule #27:

We have been banned from every Wal-Mart, Target, and American Eagle in the state.

_(Ever heard of those stupid things to do in a Wal-Mart? Alvin, Toby, and Brittany love to do them-all. The. Time.)_

_(When Wal-Mart was out of the picture, they tried it on the classy shoppers at Target and Toby was tazed when he made a trail to tomato sauce to the girl's dressing room.)_

_(Jeanette started doing trapeze on the necklaces on display at American Eagle and ended up on some poor girl's head.)_

_(…we don't really have many places to shop anymore.)_

Rule #28:

Rooming with Toby is an experience we have lost many brave men to.

_(My room and the girls' room were being painted, so they slept with the boys and I got to spend the night with my lovely companion, Toby.)_

_(Me *terrified*: T-Toby?)_

_(Toby *half-asleep*: Hmmm?)_

_(Me: I think that McDonalds wrapper just said something.)_

Rule #29:

Claire may seem calm and sweet, but she's like a freakin' Grizzly Bear when it comes to her…ah, cubs.

_(Ellie and Si got pimp-slapped by these rabid fan girls that Alvin hadn't Ninja-attacked yet, and Claire found out…)_

_(Let's just say it was the first time we went to the emergency room and none of US were injured.)_

_(Alvin started dancing on the bodies, singing "AND EVERYBODY WAS KUNG-FU FIGHTING!")_

Rule #30:

The dashboard of my car is NOT A DANCE FLOOR!

_(Alvin got this outrageous idea to do the Macarena right in my blind spot, and then he just went all out. He jumped on the dash, accidentally turned on the windshield wipers and then…well, we might have had a little accident…)_

_(Dave *running into the emergency room*: MY CHILDREN!)_

_(Alvin *still a bit dazed*: Heeeeeyyyyy…Macarena…)_

Rule #31:

Household chores are not to be set to dance.

_(Toby's favorite activity is to mop and do the Thriller dance.)_

_(Al, Theo, and Britt joined him, and nobody would stop, so I had to break out the vacuum cleaner. Toby ran too: he's convinced that it can suck him in.)_

Rule #32:

Pets are forever, ever, ever, ever, EVER (that's four-evers!) banned and any Chipmunk caught with a pet will be executed by a willing jury (Dave, Claire, yours truly.)

_(Alvin once brought a bird in, and poor Theodore was carried all the way to the nearest McDonalds before Toby could nail it with his Nerf Gun.)_

_(Even the tiniest whisper of "tweet, tweet" or "meow" will earn you burial in the sandbox next door.)_

Rule #33:

Those "asdf" movies are the most quotable things ever. Unfortunately, Dave had a bad experience with them, so lay off the "die potato!" and the "I like trains!"

_(Toby *pointing out the window*: ALIEN ATTACK!)_

_(Alvin *holding a bag of cheese wedges*: THROW THE CHEESE!)_

_(Dave was standing outside, trying to pull this weed out of the garden. He stood up and his nose gave Alvin's cheese a high-five. All was quiet…)_

_(Toby *incredibly soft*: Yeah.)_

_(Dave: FUUUUU-)_

Rule #34:

Just a heads-up: nobody else, expect Eleanor and me, can draw worth a crab.

_(Simon *excited*: Look Jean, I drew a schematic for our new automatic coffee maker.)_

_(Jeanette *taking the picture and staring at it intently*: Si, are you sure this isn't Bumblebee's long-lost twin brother?)_

_(Simon: What…?)_

Rule #35:

Ten o'clock is bedtime. No matter how many cries of "but what about Family Guy?" or "I've got cookies in the oven!" pass ears. The only exception is "American's Got Talent".

_(Dave *walking into the room at one o'clock in the morning*: What the-?)_

_(Me: But how? How could he hold those plates in the air so long?)_

_(Dave *becoming frightened* Wen-)_

_(Me: MAGIC! IT WAS ALL MAGIC!)_

Rule #36:

The only people aloud to quote "Family Guy" are me, Toby, and Alvin. We're terrific at it.

_(Brittany: And he was gushing blood-)_

_(Alvin: Brittany, that is morbidly obese!)_

_(Toby: Hey, Wendy! There aren't any more graham crackers, Wendy!)_

_(Me *eating pizza and watching "Aliens": Shut up, I'm busy. Did you check the cabinet?)_

_(Toby: I don't see them!)_

_(Me: Well, check again!)_

_(CRASH!)_

_(Toby: OH, OH NO WENDY! OH, NO! OH, WE NEED PAPER TOWELS, WENDY!)_

_(Me: Then get some!)_

_(Toby: THERE AREN'T ANY-OH NO! IT'S UNDER THE FRIDGE! IT'S UNDER THE FRIDGE! OH, WE ARE GONNA HAVE ANTS!)_

Rule #37:

Jeanette despises the mall. Never stay inside more than an hour, or bad things will happen.

_(Jeanette *running through JC Penny*: AH! I can't take it! Too many clothes! AH! Make it stop!)_

_(She ran all the way to Barnes and Nobles, and she ended up passing out in "The Hunger Games" section.)_

Rule #38:

As declared by Dave, I am no longer aloud to fiddle around with the effects for concerts. Apparently, I am not an engineer.

_(Simon: Does anybody else smell smoke?)_

_(I bailed.)_

Rule #39:

The mail box is not a toy! You have no idea how many times I've had to disrupt a "secret meeting" when I needed to mail a letter.

_(Me *holding letter to grandma*: What's going on here?)_

_(Alvin: NOT Fight Club! Heh, why would you even ask that?)_

Rule #40:

Dave's car is off limits. All because of this ONE TIME!

_(Me *le driving*: Hey, Si, can you type in Starbucks on the GPS?)_

_(Simon *trying to type it in*: Trying to, but Alvin is bugging me!)_

_(Alvin: Oh, I'm bothering you! *He pushes Simon into the keyboard, and the GPS starts screaming directions.*_

_(Me: THERE IS NO BRIDGE ON THE RIGHT!)_

_(We may or may not have driven headfirst into this little girl's birthday bounce house.)_

**a/n: **Why am I writing this again? Somebody please tell me.


End file.
